When BDSM hurts
Most books I’ve read about BDSM depict it as something fun and sexy. And it definitely is that too! But there’s also another side to it. One that’s hard and hurts.
Twice during the past six months, I’ve spent a whole week in a subdrup-like state and have had several shorter subdrops on top of it. On those days, I’ve been in a sort of depressive state, feeling sad and exhausted. Some days so much that it’s been difficult to get anything done.
For me, submitting is a very potent act that drags up a lot of emotions, and none of the times I’ve went into subdrop during the past six months has been due to something going wrong or a lack of aftercare or anything like that. I’ve been in good, competent hands. It’s simply been because a scene has involved something new and very overwhelming that has caused a strong emotional reaction. Like a bad hangover, really.
I’ve had reviewers saying my books weren’t BDSM or weren’t real BDSM because there wasn’t enough communication and the Dom failed to provide enough aftercare. But that doesn’t mean it’s not BDSM. It just means it’s not healthy BDSM.
I think a lot of people don’t know that this is a very real side to BDSM too. Just like in “normal” relationships, things can go wrong, feelings get hurt, communication fails, and expectations aren’t met. And sometimes, it doesn’t even need to go wrong for things to hurt.
That’s how powerful BDSM can be. It can make you soar and fly high, but when strong emotions are at play, it can also make you drop and feel miserable.
* Not everyone experiences BDSM this way, but the way I do it, it becomes a very loaded and emotional act. But these kinds of severe drops are very rare, thank God!
