Ella Jacobs – author

This is a complex question, but in short, no. BDSM is not safe. But then again, so many things we do aren’t safe. Driving, for one, isn’t safe. Drinking isn’t safe. It’s not explicitly dangerous, but it involves risk. The same goes for BDSM. When practiced properly, it’s not dangerous per se, but a certain degree of risk always comes with it.

In the BDSM community, we used to talk a lot about SSC, ‘safe, sane, and consensual,’ but the trend has shifted in favor of the term RACK – risk-aware consensual kink. And this has happened for a reason. The first term insists that BDSM can be safe, but over time, BDSM practitioners have come to a greater acknowledgment that it never is one hundred percent safe. BDSM always involves risk, sometimes small, sometimes bigger. It’s always there in some form. Risk of nerve damage when playing with ropes, risk of going into subdrop and spending days in a depressed state, and risks of getting cuts and abrasions from impact play that take time to heal.

These are some of the most common risks. Things that can happen to even the most seasoned BDSM practitioners. But there are also much more severe risks that you need to know about when exploring BDSM. The risk of choking when doing breath play, internal injuries when doing impact play, and permanent nerve damage when doing rope play. I could be even more blunt, but I’m not here to scare off anyone from practicing BDSM by sounding like one of those medical sites that end up scaring the shit out of you.

What I do want to achieve with this post is spreading awareness of the risks and importance of taking precautions and educating yourself. Because ignoring the risks is exactly what leads to those severe accidents. Most often when terrible accidents happen in BDSM, it’s because of a lack of risk awareness. A rigger who ignores when his bunny’s skin turns blue – or simply isn’t aware it’s a warning sign – a sadist striking the stomach as hard as he would strike the thighs, or a submissive getting a post-traumatic stress response because she didn’t tell her dominant about a past trauma.  

Luckily, I don’t know anyone who has experienced such things. And that’s probably because I’m in a community where we talk a lot about safety and risks. 

What we need to do to minimize those risks is to educate ourselves, communicate, and go slow. Read and research before diving into a new practice, talk to your partner about it – a lot – before starting out, and take one step at a time. It’s better to stop a scene wanting more than having had too much. Some of the most experienced Doms I know say this, and I think this message is essential to this topic. You can always take it one step further next time, but you can’t erase what has already happened.

Taking risks

I’m not the type of person to take a lot of risks in daily life. I don’t take shortcuts through dark alleys at night, I don’t go over the speed limit, and I don’t go home with men I’ve just met. I’m a very cautious person like that. But when it comes to BDSM, I do take some risks. I love playing on the edge of boundaries. Some of the best scenes I’ve had are when my Dom has pushed my boundaries and made me take things I normally don’t like but made me enjoy them in that specific context.

Doing MfM play on a regular basis is a risk for me too because it affects me very strongly emotionally. I’ve had subdrops that lasted a whole week because of an intense MfM scene. So when I engage in this sort of play, I know it comes with the risk that I might have to spend a day or two taking care of myself, being unfocused, and sad – gutted even – because it can cause some severe subdrops for me (I have two posts about subdrop that I’ll link below).

Some other risks I take is with CNC (consensual non consent), which is a big part of the way we play, and I enjoy breath play and even some light blood choking* (cutting off the blood flow to the brain to cause a sense of dizziness or even fainting).

*Don’t ever engage in blood choking unless you have done lots and lots of thorough research, talked to other practitioners, and trust your partner one hundred percent!!

Blood choking is probably one of the most controversial topics in the scene. I know experienced Doms who won’t do this because of the risk of brain damage, and I know people with medical background who say this is safer than regular breath play, and I know people who frequently engage in this, finding it as natural as everything else BDSM they do.

Personally, I love it. That dizzy, calm feeling I get when my brain shuts off. But I also find it a very risky activity, so I don’t want my Dom to go so far that he makes me faint. That’s my personal limit to stay safe.

This just proves the complexity of this topic. There’s no one clear definition of right and wrong, safe and unsafe, in BDSM. It’s up to you as an individual to decide what kinds of risks you are willing to take and to make sure you know the risks, so you can take the right precautions. Because BDSM is not inherently safe. Each and every practice comes with some sort of risk, whether it being physical or emotional, small or big. So do your research, talk to your partner, and consider what you’re comfortable with before diving in.

Read more about subdrop here:

Crashing into Subdrop

When BDSM hurts